My parents are sooo dumb ...

... how dumb are they, you ask?

Well, my parents are sooo dumb that they didn't already know I can use my hands efficiently ... like duh, how did they think I could type these blogs on the computer each day. So, now they are really excited about how I like to grab at things now ... you know, like if I really really want something I just go and grab it (I'm a 'today' type of lady). It's just so funny how they are acting about me grabbing at stuff ... it's like they think I just discovered my hands and arms or something ... what a couple of maroons.

Avery holding her friend "Rainbow Worm"

Avery telling her friend "Rainbow Worm" a secret

Avery posing for a picture with her friend "Rainbow Worm"

Avery holding her friend "Rainbow Worm" like a baby

Duh, of course I can talk ...

It's about time that someone finally heard me speak!!!

I love Mommy and Daddy to death, but sometime they can be sooo neanderthal ... they like to repeat back to me some of the syllables I say (like "aaa", "coo", or "ooh"), but for whatever reasons, they just can't fully grasp the structured sentences I say to them all the time during our conversations.

Grandma seems to be more on the ball though ... she told everyone how she distinctly heard me say "What" and "Hi" the other day. Although that is a huge improvement over what everyone else can hear me say, she still didn't grasp the full content of what I had said, which was "I'm not sure that I agree with what the Fed is doing about dealing with these high economic pressures we current have in today's markets."

Sigh ... maybe someday they will all hear me ... perhaps next month, when I turn 4 months old.

Kidnapped (but in a good way) ...

Last weekend was so much fun ... I got to spend a lot of time with my Great Auntie Sherry who flew out just to visit me! She (with Grandma's help) even stole me away for a day so we could do all sorts of fun stuff together ... like playing with me, reading to me, holding me close, talking to me, and even bringing out Bot too when I was tired and hungry. The best thing of all was that Great Auntie Sherry gave me a really awesome gift tee shirt ... but I'm not sure why Daddy didn't like it so much ... he just said "Great", but in that sort of sarcastic tone he sometimes has.

Great Auntie Sherry with Avery (wearing her gift)

(note that Avery's gift tee shirt reads "Someday I'm going to demand a pony")

Big day at the office ...

It was a very constructive week at the office where I ... what? ... you didn't know I had a job ... I haven't mentioned that before? Well, what do you think I do with all my free time each week? You know, being a baby and doing "baby like" stuff is so very very easy for me where I need to challenge myself more just so I don't get too bored ... besides, I need to start saving for my first pony!

Now I'm sure there are some doubts out there about all of this since I don't know many other babies that work, so here's some snapshots from a big important work day I had last week ...

Morning meeting

We were talking about the big presentation/demo that was scheduled for later in the day with the customer when Henry the Horse just told a good joke (I'm not sure I can repeat it on this forum, but it was really funny).

Lunchtime with Mommy

Mommy visits (with Boobie of course!) and we all have a nice lunch everyday (and even some playtime too).

Reviewing the Johnson account

The main goal of the Johnson account was to produce a new/different toy product that does not need a stored power source, such as a battery. I'm the lead designer/engineer/marketing/financial guru on the project.

Conference call

Actually, I was just calling the secretary to ask her to contact my Mommy to bring me a new onesie ... I have a little bit of a drooling problem (which I've read is normal for babies), but I don't want to look like a messy baby for the big presentation today.

Demo of the "Magic Butterfly"

This is still sensitive material (so don't share this with our competitors), but we wanted to bring to the marketplace a new toy that leveraged off of the kicking power of babies. As you can see from the demo, the "Magic Butterfly" does just that ... as I kick my legs wildly, the kicking energy transfers to the toy and the "Magic Butterfly" sings, moves, and even performs a light show. The customer loved it (especially the big boss in the suit, Mr. Frog). I think I'll be able to afford that pony very very soon!!

Whoa ... who's the hunk!?

Avery meets Nick

My parents don't fool me ... I know this was a total setup. Like they would want to sit around and hang out with other people besides me ... no way. They just wanted me to meet Nick ... and boy o' boy, is he cute or what? He might be a little older than me, but what's a few months, right girlfriend? I just have to play it real cool ... guys love it when girls play it cool!

More than words can say ...

I just love it, love it, love it ...

I can't even explain just how much I love being on "the changing table", as Mommy and Daddy call it. It's where Mommy and Daddy clean me up, which always makes me feel so much better, and even unclog my nose from time to time too. Although, I don't know why they still refuse to let me use the toilet ... I guess they need to be needed???

Anyway, instead of painfully trying to explain this love affair in words, I thought I would choreograph an interpretive representation of it in my first feature film (below). Make sure to turn up the sound!

All on the Table

If I can't yet walk, then how do I "go for a walk"?

Sometimes it seems like this one simple sentence can make the whole house explode ... Mommy and Daddy start running around saying it over and over again which in turn causes the dogs to go completely berserker (jumping and even squealing at times) and then Suzie starts meowing constantly too (mostly when she is getting trampled by Scrappy and Scout-No) ... so with all this craziness around me, is it any surprise that I also start getting all rev'ed up and get a little loud too???

So then Mommy or Daddy quickly plop me into my cozy peach chair and fasten me into my slick high-tech rocket ship where suddenly out the door we blast off ... finally, freedom from those same four walls I have to look at every minute of every day. Onward to new lights, new sounds, new spaces ...

Mommy usually steers my rocket ship while Daddy takes care of the hounds (where usually it looks more like they are taking care of him). We first sail over a sea of bumpy surfaces, traverse through the wilderness of urban growth, and finally arrive at my favorite stop, where I can see/taste/smell all the fields of greenery for miles and miles and miles.

Walking through the Fields of Greenery (does this look safe to you???)

Most of the time during these adventures I fall into dreams that take me for really really long walks, but after the 'fields of greenery' stop, I never really know where we go since I usually always just wake up back in the middle of those same four walls again, watching Mommy and Daddy eating dinner (with an occasional glance towards me). You would think that they would have the common courtesy to wake me up after we get back home (maybe so I could eat dinner too???) ... funny how they never do that ... maybe they don't want to interrupt my beauty sleep???

Now there's no way this should even be considered safe, right?

So now I'm a fashion accessory?!?!

So ... I'm not sure how I should feel about being seen as a "fashion accessory" ... I mean I know I'm 'cute as a button' and all, but am I really something to be worn around town??? I am a human being after all (a very small one, but still one none the less). Aren't there rights to protect babies from this kind of ... this ... embarrassing type of stuff? I think I'm going to need to get a good lawyer to prohibit my parents from embarrassing me like this all the time ...

And this all started today when Mommy and Daddy were talking to each other, saying "blab blab blab baby Bjorn blab blab blab baby Bjorn" and so I thought I was going to get to play with some other kid today, but then the next thing I know is that I'm being strapped into this huge contraption around Mommy's upper body. Worse yet, I knew Boobie was hanging out right around there, but she was trapped behind the contraption ... so close, but yet so far away ... oh, the horror!

Mommy, Baby Bjorn, and Avery

And then Daddy wanted to strap me on and strut around the house too ... like I guess I don't get a say in what they do to me? I'm only two months old and my parents are already suffocating me. What will they do next ... put me on top of their head and wear me like a hat! Please, if anyone has the number to a good child advocate lawyer, please forward it to me asap!!!

Daddy, Baby Bjorn, and Avery

Bot is no Boobie ...

I have a brand new good good friend now ... well, he's sort of a friend I guess, he's my own little robot. He mostly hangs out when I'm just with Daddy or Grandma. He even feeds me milk too (just like Boobie does) although sometimes the milk is either too cold or too warm, so I don't think he's a really smart robot. And then one time he tried hanging out with me, Boobie, and Mommy, but that was just a complete mess ... I mean really, who needs a robot when I have Boobie around.

Grandma, Bot, and Avery

Mommy and Daddy like to call him Bottle, but I like to call him Bot (short for roBot, get it?). Anyway, Bot is ok, but he's not as fun and wild as Boobie is ... no, no way! I don't think anyone will ever take the place of my best friend Boobie ... she's just way too awesome ... everyone should have some kind of Boobie best friend!!!

Daddy, Bot, and Avery

Ode' to Auntie Em ...

I overheard Mommy talking today about Auntie Em. She said "Auntie Em is really stressed out lately" about all sorts of stuff. So, since songs always make me happy, I thought I would write one for her ...

I call it "The Best Auntie Em in the Whole Wide World" and it's sung to a tune that goes something like this ... Baa La da Duh, La da Duh, La da, Bom Bom Bom.


The Best Auntie Em in the Whole Wide World

You are the best auntie a girl could ever want ...
You are the best auntie I would ever want ...
You are loud and really tall, and I love it when you carry me all day long ...
You are the best auntie a girl could ever want ....


Even if you live so very far away ...
In my heart you shall always stay ...
On the phone when you call, I hear your voice then recall ...
You are the best auntie a girl could ever want ....


I can't wait till I get to see you yet again ...
We'll have so much fun like before, but yet again ...
We can talk, laugh, and play, the days will waste away ...
You are the best auntie a girl could ever want ....


I can't wait to do fun stuff with just you ...
What kind of stuff can I do that I'm not suppose to? ...
I want to do it all, Daddy says "Just no tattoo" ...
You are the best auntie a girl could ever want ....


Someday I'll visit "The Big Apple" to come see you ...
We can ride the subways and I promise to hold your hand ...
And no I won't run away, like you did when you were my age ...
You are the best auntie a girl could ever want ....


You are the best auntie a girl could ever want ...
You are the best auntie I would ever want ...
You are loud and really tall, and I love it when you carry me all day long ...
You are the best auntie a girl could ever want ....


Hope that makes it all better, Auntie Em.