My first horse ...

Guess what I got today!!! Mommy's horse riding friend Bobbi (yes, not Boobie, but Bobbi) gave me "my first horse" and she's so so so pretty! I'm going to name her Beauty! Good thing Aunt Em got me that riding outfit so I can jump on her and start riding right away.

Avery riding Beauty

I remember that when I was at the spa Mommy would talk about horses, take me on rides, and I could even hear them make sounds too. They made sounds like this ... http://www.horses.co.uk/audio/horse01.wav

Now I'm not sure what Daddy's deal is, but he doesn't seem as happy about Beauty as me and Mommy ... he just keeps saying, "Oh no ... is this going to make Avery want a real horse when she gets older. How much do horses cost?" So I don't know ... maybe Daddy is just afraid of horses ... I'll have to fix that.

But maybe I don't want to join the military ...

Alright ... now I'm starting to get a little worried here ... I thought Mommy and Daddy were just playing around and having fun with me, but now I'm starting to see past all their trickery ...

For over the last month, we have been playing "Tummy Time" a lot where it's a way for me to exercise my neck muscles while on my belly (at least that's the definition on Wikipedia). But while I would exercise, Daddy would keep telling me "Push Avery, push ... push your feet against my hand. Look honey, she already crawling!" where I would do what Daddy would say to get him all happy and such, even though I wasn't really that into it (I mean really, couldn't he see that my face would drag against the ground whenever I pushed ... talk about "tummy time road rash").

"Push Avery, push"

"Look ... she's crawling!"

Anyway, now Mommy and Daddy are both trying to get me to roll over ... like what am I, some kind of dog? And what's the point anyway in doing this?? Sometimes I like to be on my back and sometimes I like to be on my belly, so why can't they just always flip me over to the other side when I tell them to?

Rolling off the belly ...

... darn shoulder always gets stuck ...

... over to the back

So, today it finally occurred to me what they are really up to ... they are secretly training me to be a covert operative for the military. I've seen the "Army of One" videos (I watch MTV) ... I know what's involved with all that training.

Even "feet off the ground" push-ups??!!

I would have never figured them as McCain supporters ... since you know that he wants all parents to start training their babies for the military to get more troops for the war (at least that's what Alex's mom says in this video ... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sq30lapbC9c ).

So again, I am pleading with the whole blogosphere to help me explain to them that I don't want to train for the military right now ... jeez, I just want to be a baby.

Dinner out tonight ... yeaaaah!

Yeaaaah ... we all went out to dinner tonight and it was so much fun! Mommy and Daddy put me in my cozy peach chair all snug and tight, then into the car we went. Thank goodness it was only a 5 minute drive down the street so that I wouldn't fall asleep and miss out. We walked in and immediately I knew this was going to be super fun!! The lights, the noise, the atmosphere ... EVERYTHING was going on EVERYWHERE around me ... and then everyone said that I was just so cute, so I told Mommy to unbuckle me from my seat so that I could be held for all to see!!! And then it just got better and better each minute with getting passed back and forth between Mommy and Daddy every couple of minutes ... so much fun!!!! And then when Mommy and Daddy were served their dinner, I wanted to join them and play with Boobie ... just awesome fun! In fact, Mommy and Daddy had so much fun with me too that they just kept passing me back & forth, back & forth, and back & forth ... so much super duper fun!!!!!!


But just like all good things must come to an end, we started to get ready to leave. And I don't know what happened next since I started to feel this overpowering urge to ... to ... I was just so sleepy that I fell right asleep. Good thing that didn't happen an earlier, especially during our great dinner party!!!

Does this Onesie make me look fat???

I'm totally freaking out today and I have no idea what to do about it ... I need your help ... please!!!

The day started out great, just like any other ... I slept great and was just having a great conversation with Boobie while finishing up my morning snack when this big old beast of a contraption was brought out. Mommy then slowly put me into it and then got all excited ... she said "I can't believe it, she's at 9 pounds now ... that around a three pound gain in the last 4 weeks!"

Now I don't know how to count yet, but if I punch the numbers into Excel and use a simple straight forward "Compound Interest" formula, the results are staggering. From my analysis, I'll weigh over 500 lbs by my first birthday!!!

Now it's not like I'm a rocket scientist (like Daddy), but unless I've made a major mistake somewhere (which isn't very likely), it looks like I'm on the path towards joining this national child obesity problem we have here in the US! Plus, I should note that I'll look like a beached whale ... well, a very small beached whale since I'll most likely only be 2-3 ft tall!!!

Please look over my analysis (below) and let me know if I've made some sort of wrong calculations. I started with my original birth weight (~ 6 lbs) and used the percent increase that I had for this second month (~ 50%) to project forward.

Avery's weight prediction

I have to show my analysis to Mommy and Daddy before it's too late to stop this ... maybe you can help. Can someone please talk to them about this ... or wait, remember they were really happy about this month's weight gain, so maybe they really are idiots! Forget trying to talk with them, please just call the police (or the coast guard) for me to get them involved!!!

Avery's First Dress

This morning Mommy put a dress on me ... my first dress ever. I guess it looks nice ... well, almost anything would be a huge improvement over those dreadful Onesies they always put me in.

And I'll have to ask Mommy someday where all her "fashion sense" is that she claims to have? And I know Daddy can't help me in this area ... he dresses himself like an engineer most of the time or even worse yet, like a big overgrown goofy kid ... boring! ... stupid boring!

Maybe someday they'll surprise me and take me out on a shopping spree ... that is, if they ever take me out anywhere at all, like to the mall to "go shopping".

I just can't wait till I get my drivers license so I can take myself shopping anytime I want ... that will be just awesome!!!

Smiling is easy ...

You would have thought that I just won the Nobel Prize today the way mommy and daddy where acting ... all I did was move my mouth around until they got all happy and excited, so what's the big deal? I guess if they like this smiling business, I'll do it more often for them ... it's way way easy. Boy o'boy, these guys are way too easy to please ...

Almost ...

Almost ...........

There it is ... Avery's first smile!

"Bath" ???

Such a nice day ruined by yet another "new experience" ... so I was just minding my own business (trying to sleep or maybe trying have "poop business" in my diaper, I forget exactly what I was in the middle of doing) when here comes daddy saying "bla bla bla bath" and "bla bla bla bath bla bla bath bla bla bla bath". And then before you know it, the next thing I know is that I'm buck naked and being lowered into what looks like some sort of lounge chair, except it's submerged under water with "white scariness" all around. Then as a lot more "bla bla bla's" are being said from both of them (yes, mommy was in on it too) I start to feel wetness ALL AROUND ME ... what the heck is a bath and why does it feel so wet? Now, I don't like a wet diaper, so why would I want to sit in wetness all around me ... I'm really starting to think that my parents are complete morons!!! So, with nowhere to run, I was forced to do what only I can do best ... "waaaa waaa waaaa waaaa waaa" ... "waaaa waaa waaaa waaaa waaa" ... where I also added in a lot of kicking and thrashing about to communicate my extreme unhappiness (yes, my parents still haven't bothered to learn my language yet).

I think it was Mark Twain that said "A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.", so hopefully they got my message about this bath business loud and clear.

The only good thing I can say is at least it was quick and will most likely never happen again ... and in retrospect, I guess I do look really cute in my lamb towel ... don't you think?